It's Okay
by Rina Aria
Summary: Leia always feels bad when she saw Jude and Milla together. She couldn't erase her feeling for Jude nor she wanted to say it. In the middle of her indecissiveness Alvin said that It is okay. One sided Jude/Leia, Implied Jude/Milla, Leia/Alvin


**Disclaimer: It's obvious I don't have Tales of Xillia, because it was properties of Bandai Namco.**

Hello everyone, I'm back! It's quite rare for me to write about another pair except for Jude and Milla and maybe Muzét and Gaius, but here I am with Leia and Alvin. I don't know where I could put this story in the Xillia timeline, so I guess you can decide it by yourself! At least it is in Xillia 2 timeline after Milla's revival. When is exactly, I don't bother to think about it.

I dedicate this fic to 'Time Heals You All' who had put up with me for a long time. I know you love this pair so I will try to make one! I hope it will please you~

**And then finally, if you want to please review and point out my grammar mistake okay?**

**Leia POV**

I watched as Milla, Milla Maxwell I mean, talked with Jude as if it was her role to be by Jude's side. I might not notice it a year ago, but it is clear as clear as the day that Milla also loves Jude dearly like how Jude loves her with all his heart.

Seeing that kind of scenery pained me a little bit. It's hard to forget about my feeling for Jude when I had buried it for as long as I can remember. But I know that I need to give up… no, I must give up. I shouldn't bother those two anymore than I already did. Their time is limited as it is right now… I must step back.

I turned away from those two and walked to the outside of the inn we resided for the day that was in Maxbard. I looked around the surrounding, looking for anything I could write about as my material of writing. I smiled looking how the situation of people from Elympios and Rieze Maxia slowly but surely reaching on an agreement.

I decided to go to the harbor from Rieze Maxia side, thinking that I might find something worthy to write about. After all I'm currently travelling with the King of Rieze Maxia and the Spyrite Researcher, so something big bound to appear around them. Not that I intended to use them for anything nasty anyway.

I browsed the shop around the harbor and found a lot of stuff ranging from Rieze Maxia stuff and then to Elympios stuff. There is an obvious barrier between them but I guess people won't change overnight.

I was busy looking around the vendor when a voice suddenly called me by saying, "Ah, Leia!"

I instantly turned around and saw Jude and Milla there, looking like they were taking a walk. I don't know which one had called me because their voice sounded the same after their extensive time spent together just the two of them.

I suddenly felt bad and had this desire to run away quickly as I nervously replied, "H-hi, Jude... and Milla as well. What are you two doing here?"

I guess either Jude or Milla didn't notice my stuttering when Milla who approached me said, "I asked Jude to show me around Maxbard and tell me what had happened during my time in Spirit World. It was a very interesting… Oh yeah, right now Leia is working as a reporter, right? Do you know if something interesting is happening?"

I found myself in a loss of words when Milla innocently asked me like this. I looked at Jude and then to Milla once more. They don't even seem to wait for me to answer Milla's question as Jude swiftly showed Milla some kind of beads that originated from somewhere in Rieze Maxia, something Jude explained in his scientific tone.

I felt this foreignness inside my heart once more. Even after my move to Elympios, I still keep in touch with Jude and we had a steady relationship. I thought that I might just able to replace Milla from Jude's heart at that time, but now I know that what I have done was for naught. Jude loves Milla so deeply that his eyes had turned blind to every other girl except Milla.

"Err, I will go back first." I said softly before I turned away from the couple.

I took one last look at them and I noticed that they didn't even heard what I had said. Between them, there is no room for any third wheel to butt in. Jude really is horrible and Milla as well… but I can't blame those two.

I walked with no actual direction on mind when I noticed that I was somewhere in a plateau near the port. I placed my hands on the railing and sighed. This heavy feeling inside my heart still won't disappear. I chanted inside my heart that I must forget Jude.

"I was thinking "who is this?" but if it isn't Leia." suddenly a voice that wasn't foreign to me entered inside my hearing.

I looked around and saw a person a few feet taller than me with a newly grown beard around his chin that I instantly noticed. Maybe I had smiled unconsciously as he then said, "Yo!" with his traditional salute and walked to my side so he would accompany me on being mellow.

"What are you doing here, Alvin?" I asked as I turned my attention back to the port. Somehow with Alvin here I felt my chest became lighter.

I could hear Alvin chuckle lightly when he replied, "Not much. I was just following you back from the market. Did you feel bad because of those two? And I'm talking about Jude and Milla here…"

I felt my breath hitched in my throat, hearing those two names being mentioned by Alvin as I nervously asked, "W-what do you mean?"

Alvin sighed and I took a secret glance to him as he calmly said, "Well, so you DO feel bad for them. I'm not as dense as Milla so I could tell without you to spell it out for me Leia."

I sighed hearing that. At least I'm glad that Alvin didn't try to pry into my mind. He rather did, but at least he actually takes clues, unlike some people. Thinking about that, I groaned in thought. Okay, I shouldn't start blaming unsuspecting people again.

"Geez, you found out about it way too fast..." I commented as I placed my head over the railing, lamenting my weakness. I do feel better with Alvin around since I could just get mad without thinking about side effects.

"I'm a business man, thank you very much. Reading my opponent's thoughts is one of the basics of field work," Alvin commented before chilling off beside me.

"From friend to opponent in less than an hour? I guess I still shouldn't believe you that much Alvin!" I replied jokingly as I smacked his arms playfully. I really feel better around him.

"Yeah, yeah, I heard that journalists are pursuers of truth… crap; don't say that you will write about my bad side for people so they will get wary of me. I guess business will be slow in the future if you do." Alvin said as he chuckled. I knew his words weighted nothing to him and to me. He really loves to mess with people's head.

"I won't do that to my friend. Unlike you, I am certainly trustworthy inside and out." I joked before turning to the view of the port. Twilight had dawned upon us as it dyed the surrounding into bright orange.

Alvin chuckled once more before turning silent. As soon as he did, a calming silence dawned between us. I could hear the voices of the birds from further away as I didn't say anything. I certainly felt better, but the heavy feeling in my chest still didn't disappear.

Alvin also didn't bother on prying my heart business, but he remained here nonetheless. I closed my eyes, counting how many times I had been this pathetic even when I knew full well that there is no way for Jude to see me in that light. His heart already had an owner and it was Milla… and Milla only.

"I'm stupid…" I murmured softly as I buried my face in between my hands, feeling my eyes welling up with tears.

Alvin remained silent as I continued, "I knew it perfectly… I knew it better than no one… I knew that there was no room for me to get in between them… I knew it from even before…"

"How come I can even hope for Jude to see me like that? His eyes only reflect Milla when you look at them. I knew it. I knew it. It was horrible of me to keep on loving him… I'm a horrible friend to both Jude and Milla…" I rambled on and on as I let my tears fell down from my eyes.

I'm horrible. I'm so horrible to Milla. I tried snatching Jude away from her, knowing that she loves Jude so dearly that her eyes say it for her. I'm horrible to Jude, trying to sway his heart away from his true love. I knew it perfectly yet… I still wish that Jude's amber eyes would reflect me.

"I personally think it is okay…" Alvin suddenly commented as he looked straight to the port.

"Eh?" I was such at loss at what he said that that I only managed to answer like that. Did I just hear Alvin say it was okay for me to remain like this? If not that, then what?

"I think it is okay for you to love Jude. I think the worst thing to do, when you are well aware of it, is trying to conceal it. Jude and Milla are dense, I admit, but I knew that they also noticed that you are acting weird in front of them. You know that they aren't stupid, right?" Alvin explained his answer clearly, as if he was spelling it out for me.

I nodded, a little bit reluctant to admit it. I looked down to the ground as tears streamed down from my face as I asked, "Then… what should I do? I can't hide it… I can't say it… and I don't want to make them feel bad at the same time… What should I do then?"

After I asked that, I feel Alvin arms around my body as it then pulled me into the only thing I could lean on right now, his chest. I was shocked by it as I felt the warmth of his chest over my skin. It felt weirdly soothing that my tears only streamed away carrying my frustration with it.

"Face it. I wanted to say that you'd better tell Jude and get this matter done. Jude won't dare to hurt your feeling in his own knowledge. But if you aren't ready to face Jude, then it is okay. But I don't recommend it," Alvin replied with a reassuring tone.

I laughed at his advice and closed my eyes. Talking with Alvin really brings me to a better mood. Hearing his advice made me feel like doing it. If I can get this feeling done and over, I can move past Jude and to someone else.

"I need to prepare my heart for that then… and, Alvin, if I fail... will you console me?" I murmured as I pressed my face on his chest a little bit more. I couldn't help it. It felt so warm.

I heard Alvin chuckle a little bit and he rubbed my back gently as he said, "As long as you want me to."

I looked at the pair who became the source of my worry for this whole time. They looked so perfect that it took me everything I had to not turn away and do what I was supposed to do in the later day. I took a step closer and tapped Jude's shoulders.

He turned his head to my direction and smiled before asking, "What's wrong Leia?"

I held my breath as I glanced at Milla who had this oblivious look on her face. I knew that she wondered why I called Jude so suddenly. I smiled weakly to her and then turned to Jude once more before saying, "I have something I want to talk about… can you meet me in the Maxbard port from Rieze Maxia's side in one hour?"

Jude tilted his head in questioning manner and looked at Milla who nodded lightly. I felt horrible knowing that I envied their relationship at this moment. But I intended to end this complicated feeling in a short moment. Alvin also promised to console me later, after all…

Jude then nodded lightly before saying, "I understand. I will be there at the promised time."

I smiled hearing it. I looked again to Milla who didn't seem to mind it too much that I borrowed Jude for a while. I took few steps back and saw how Jude and Milla naturally resumed their talk as if I never interrupted in the first place.

I waited for Jude a little bit earlier than our promised time. It was nerve wracking to wait knowing that I'm intending to confess to Jude. I felt slightly bad for Milla but I need to get past this so I could go on with my life.

'_But in the end… this is the first time I confessed to someone… what should I do? What should I say?_' I thought as I tapped my feet impatiently, trying to come up with some sort of answer or scenario to be used as material.

I sighed repeatedly as I sat down on one of the bench before standing up once more. It has gotten to be more nerve wracking with the passing time. What should I do? Jude could come up any time soon… if he came here then what should I do? I couldn't think at all…

But before I could come up with anything, the voice that I dreaded the most entered my hearing shouting, "Leia!" with a somehow harsh breathing in it.

I froze in my place as I found that my voice had disappeared to who knows where. I felt Jude's steps slowly coming closer and closer with my heartbeat increasing with each of his steps. Crap, what should I do? I'm not ready yet…

As I slowly turned around to face Jude who was panting quite hard I felt the heat rise on my face. No matter from where I see it, Jude had become more handsome and lovable in a year. He had become mature, dependable, and all his qualities that make him a good boyfriend. Maybe, except for the fact that he already had Milla inside his heart.

"J-Jude…" I nervously replied as I saw he managed to stand perfectly calm with a warm smile on his face. I swear, his smile needs to be banned.

"I'm sorry that I made you wait, Leia. Well, Milla said that she wanted me to explain her about the progress of Spyrite and I unintentionally talked a bit too much." Jude explained with a gentle smile as he looked like he had a good time talking with Milla.

I got downhearted in instant as Jude looked so happy with Milla. It certainly made me forget about my nervousness from before. I needed to end it right now when I still had the will to do it. There was no more room for hesitation. But again, how should I start it?

"Then, Leia, what did you want to talk about?" Jude asked as I pondered about how to start.

Seeing the chance Jude somehow gave me, I quickly blurted out, "Jude, actually... since long I have loved you… e-eh…" and as I realized what I just said I quickly stopped in the middle of my sentence. Wasn't that too... direct?

Jude stared at me with wide eyes and I myself must've had a pretty similar look on my face as well. I took a deep breath and quickly explained, "So, just like I said, I love you Jude… it's true, actually I loved you since before you met Milla… though it's not a reason you must make me your girlfriend or anything. Actually I'm quite comfortable with our condition right now and I just wanted to put an end to this."

Jude looked guilty a little bit as he looked at anything but me. He had that serious expression on his face and I knew he was thinking about how to reply my confession. I only stood in silence, waiting for his rejection while trying to think of anything to distract my mind from this suffocating tension in the air.

After a minute that felt like an hour, I heard Jude take a deep breath and I instantly looked up to see him. Jude had his right hand gripping his left hand as he then said, "I'm sorry, Leia, but… I can't answer your feeling the same way… it's not that I hate you, but… Milla…"

I sighed, knowing what was coming but decided not to cut Jude's reply. I remained quiet as he then continued his sentence saying, "I and Milla… have been going out right now for a year actually, we came into contact through telepathy. I hope you won't tell others about this. For me, Leia, you are my dear childhood friend… nothing more, nothing less. But still… I am grateful for your feeling, Leia…"

"…" I tried to say something, anything, when I heard the full content of Jude's reply but couldn't find the words. I knew that he would answer it this way, but I couldn't stop my chest to start hurting when I heard Jude's voice. I thought I could bear through it but, in the end, it was still too painful.

Jude didn't leave after he said what his reply to my confession. I knew he was waiting for me to say something before he could leave. Maybe our relationship won't remain like before after this, except that I wished for it to remain like this. Jude is too kind, after all…

I gathered my courage and tried to calm my thumping heart before looking up to see Jude's worried face. Hesitating a little bit, I replied, "Thank you for your honesty, Jude… I... please… could you... leave me alone, for a while…? I don't want you of all people, to see me right now... Or I won't be able to bear it... Go back… to your Milla… I hope that you two will find happiness…"

Jude was hesitating, I knew it perfectly, but after a few moments of thinking he gave a slow nod and decided to leave. He turned his back on me and said, "I know it's not my place to say that to you but... Leia… I hope you will find someone better than me… you deserve that, at least."

I was still trying to keep my cool when Jude said that. I cursed him for being so kind. So kind that I wondered how come Milla didn't feel jealous when Jude was throwing his kindness around. Jude really IS unfair. But, now that I finally said it and have properly been rejected, a big weight had disappeared from the inside of my heart. So much that it felt much lighter than before.

Not long after that, I heard the sound of steps coming toward me from behind. I impulsively turned around and saw Alvin who looked like he had waited for a chance to come out, standing there. He looked worried about my well-being after Jude's rejection.

I sighed seeing him, but I tried to put on my bravest expression and said, "I knew it… he rejected me without thinking twice…"

Alvin shrugged a little bit before saying, "I was kind of eavesdropping back then… are you okay Leia?"

I nodded to that as I looked to the side. It was painful but time would heal it, sooner or later. I looked up and smiled to Alvin when I said, "I'm okay because I'm strong. I was actually surprised, you know, that they were already dating. They are so good at hiding their relationship that I didn't notice it at all! That's a miss on my part and I'm supposed to be a journalist. I guess I still have long to go…"

Alvin sighed as if he understood that I only put up a front although he remained quiet. I twirled around and took my beret before clutching it tightly, trying to vent my depression on it because Jude was the one who chose it for me. I walked to the tip of the land with my beret clutched tightly by my hand.

"This beret was a present from Jude for when I joined my office… Alvin you were there as well. I remember at that time I thought Jude would finally see me not just as his childhood friend… but I was gravely mistaken… maybe Jude had already been on his relationship with Milla at the time he gave me my beret. Now that I think about it, it makes sense at how he was so furious when Chronos putted her in the space between dimensions… and how he looked devastated when I said that the Alternate Milla was the time-factor… why… why did i still blindly believed that there was still a chance…" I said as I threw the beret away from my hand, resolving myself that from now on I would forget about Jude.

But at the split second the beret flew from my hand, I saw a shadow of big tall man pass by me and grabbed the beret that I threw shouting, "You idiot!" when he jumped in the water to catch the beret.

I was dumbfounded when said man, Alvin, to be precise, jumped from the tip of the land. I managed to regain my ability to move when I registered that I had rushed to the tip and looked below, Alvin was there, with the dry beret in his hands, the seawater reached around his waist, drenching his body from waist below and a little bit of his upper body.

"W-what are you doing, Alvin?!" I shouted in fright as I watched him save the beret from being drifted away by the sea.

"That's my line! Leia, what do you think you are doing?" he asked back as he pulled himself from the water, still keeping my beret from being drenched.

"I was obviously throwing that beret away! It was something that Jude gave me and I don't want to keep it anymore!" I replied with a shout as I sat next to Alvin who wore off his coat and casted it aside so it could dry better.

"If you want to throw it away, then throw it away properly. From my view, you actually didn't want to throw it away didn't you? So I simply brought it back." Alvin replied calmly before placing the beret on my head.

I was speechless hearing Alvin reply because it was true. Deep inside my heart, I still treasured the beret that Jude gave me. My eyes slowly started to sting when Alvin intentionally pulled the tip down, covering my eyes as he said, "You know, Leia, there is no need for you to act strong in front of me. You were just rejected so it's okay to cry for once."

Alvin last sentence broke my last wall of defense. My head hung low as I letted my tears flow down freely from my eyes. I didn't want to look pathetic after being rejected but I just couldn't help it. I had loved Jude for the most of my life and Jude didn't even notice it in the first place. He also started going out with a girl he knew less than 2 years and he was determined to change the world just because of her.

As I cried louder, I felt Alvin wrapped his hands over my arms as he pulled me into his chest. I only cried, not minding how Alvin was drenched waist below and how I wetted his clothes. I lightly punched his chest as I shouted, "It's unfair! It's unfair! It's unfair! It's unfair! It's unfair! It's so unfair! I loved Jude longer than Milla yet why he had his eyes on her… it's unfair…"

Alvin tightened his grips on my back as he then said, "That's just how the world rolls. It's not your fault that something went wrong."

I only wailed on his embrace as I pressed my face on his chest, hearing his slightly raged heartbeat while saying, "I know that. I know that perfectly. Milla make a nice couple with Jude… she is beautiful, strong, and she loves Jude so much that her eyes reflect it to everyone… Jude is a good guy, a little bit too soft hearted, but he is kind, he is smart, good-looking, and to top it all he can protect Milla… They are match made in heaven! That it is so unfair!"

"It's okay. It's okay. Cry your heart out, Leia, you need it," Alvin commented lightly as he moved slightly to get into a more comfortable position.

I started cursing both Jude and Milla and fate as well for being so unfair. Partially, it was my fault for not ending it sooner but still, it hurts so much. My first love ended up in failure and my dream of standing by Jude's side as how he would look at me with that gentle gaze had crumbled into pieces. The one who stands beside him is Milla. But even knowing that they go backstreet on us, I still love Milla and consider her a very precious friend.

For god knows how long I cried in Alvin embrace as he murmured some soothing words that, actually, made me feel better. His idea of confessing to Jude was probably the most brilliant way to end this weird wall that I unconsciously putted up when I was near Jude and Milla. It was all thanks to Alvin that I could take the first step to find my new life.

I sniffed lightly after I became too tired to cry anymore. I knew that my eyes might have swollen so bad I looked like a ghost by now. My voice was hoarse after shouting and crying for long. But even if I could have generally been classified as in the worst state, I think that I was in my best state, appearance aside.

I sighed as I pressed my cheek on Alvin's chest while hoarsely saying, "Alvin… thank you."

I don't know what kind of expression Alvin had when he said, "Well, glad to be of help. I will do anything in my strength if you asked it, Leia."

I blushed, hearing his weird statement, but decided not to question it. I heard a flicking sound beside me and by the sound, I guessed he was opening his phone so I asked, "What are you doing?"

"Telling them that you are with me of course. Jude must feel worse now, since you have not returned two hours after his rejection. And to add it up, I hate to say this but, you have the worst look ever of what I usually see in your daily looks." Alvin replied calmly as I heard the sound of his typing a mail with his GHS.

"Thank you…" I muttered softly. The last thing I wanted to do was making Jude worry more. He is too kind for his own good, after all. This was something that made him always involved with something weird.

"Anything for my dearest. Anyway, can you stand?" Alvin replied calmly before releasing his grip from my body. Somehow it felt a little bit cold after he letted go.

I unconsciously blushed, hearing his flirt. Usually it didn't had any effect on me, but right now those kind of sweet words made it all the way to my brain. Nonetheless, I tried to stand up, only to find that I had no strength left in my legs, thanks to crying for two dreaded hours. I sighed at this and replied, "No, I can't."

Alvin letted out a deep breath before standing from his sitting position with relative ease. I still looked down so Alvin didn't see how bad I looked like now (although he had already seen it) when I felt that my body was being lifted from the ground. When I registered what was happening, I was few feet away from the ground and there were protective arms carrying me in a bridal style.

I was so embarrassed that I instantly looked up to find Alvin looking all serious and all, without even looking at me, saying, "Well then, let's go to my place. It's getting cold and I don't want to catch cold, after all. You shouldn't worry about anything, Leia. Just make some effort to save your dignity."

I blushed inwardly and looked down as I shyly pulled my beret to hide my reddening face before murmuring, "_You are being unfair… if you are this kind, how could I manage to not fall for you… stupid Alvin..._"


End file.
